okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
