yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
