Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
