My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
