Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
