Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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