we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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