good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
