remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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