I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize