Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
