So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
