I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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