Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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