Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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