I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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