Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
