I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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