Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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