i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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