So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
