Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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