i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
