Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
