so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
