She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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