I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
