i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My balls are so social today.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
