I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
