Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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