I'm so fucking centered right now
I bet he comes in French.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
