If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
