No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
