I am in a vortex of obligation.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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