I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize