Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize