oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
