haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
