he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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