i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
