I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
