I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
