guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
