Pants 0. Shit 1.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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