Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
