I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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