you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
