How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
