I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
