I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
