If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
