I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
