before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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