I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
