i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
