Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
