Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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