At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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