U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
