Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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