The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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