A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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