her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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