They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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