I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
