They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
