to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
