Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
