Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
