That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
