and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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