I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
