Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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