Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
