quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
