On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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